I woke with a shock, early, rudely
Maladjusted form moved on
Adaption be the name of the game
I learn. Experiencing. Doing.

I have been highest high
Desperately low
Leveled out many a days
Indifferent for hours

I hide in plain sight
Also in the darkest of darknesses 
Hide within quotes, sages, wisdom books
Come out the same way, all riddly

I have known love, loved, been loved
I have felt hate, hated, been despised
Spurned for long
Wanted for aeons

 I have been on top, also below
Gave, withheld, received, denied
I have longed, been satiated 
Then longed for more

I have been shit dirty and sparkling clean
I know sin, I know cleansing
The joy of a light conscience

The total sleep of the innocent

I have chanted, gone for mass
Ashed the Wednesday, feet washed

Knelt for communion, excommunicated 
I've charted the beads, recited oracles

 I have sang in angelic tongues 
Peeped into the spirit realms
Lord it over kith and kin 
Awed frenemies and lovers

I now know this flesh is not so important
This wondering wanderer is immortal
Beyond mere flesh.

 Intangible

My instinct guns for the invisible
Which speaks of more, of better
Hints at eternity, points to light inaccessible
Beckoning like the full moon

So I have journeyed, searching 
Tasting, asking, learning
Hopeful of more than a glimpse
More than the present imperfection

I journey on. I continue learning
Perhaps the key lies in tomorrow 
Tomorrow or the next hour
Or in those icy cold hands

One thing be sure of me
Gain entry I must
That be the mission
That be the fuel

I have lived. 
I live, translated 
Forever will live on
In this reality or next

***This is my poem to myself on my 33rd birthday.